It's been a while, and I'm not sure what sparked the urge to write again, but here it goes.
It's been three months since the last post (give or take a few days) and a lot has happened. I've graduated, I've worked at my job for over a year, I've decided on a college and gotten my course schedule, though my major is still up in the air. I've changed immensely. And quite frankly, I like who I've become. I like the way my future is looking, and I'm ready to start it.
Three months ago, I'd have been terrified to go to college, I'd have been annoyed when asked about it, and I'd have told you I'm majoring in Architecture or Business/Marketing. Oh, how the tables have turned. I couldn't be more excited to go to college, I can't wait to start the next chapter of my life at University of Oregon (GO DUCKS!), and as far as my major goes, I can tell you that Architecture is definitely not where my heart is.
I'm ready for the freedom of college. I'm ready to grow up, to live away from my parents, and to have responsibilities. I'm 18, I'm an adult, and I'm ready to be treated like one. Though, that being said, I still have plenty of mistakes to make before that all happens. But I'm still done being treated like a 15 year old high schooler who is just learning about the twisted society we live in.
Three months ago, I'd have complained about high school, how I'm over it, how I'm sick of the fake people, the lies, and the bullying. Now, it doesn't even cross my mind. I've realized it's not worth my time to worry about it. If people want to be fake, good luck to them, but I'm not wasting my time. If people want to stab me in the back, that's okay. I'll stop putting effort into a friendship that they don't have time for. If people want to hate me and end a friendship for unknown reasons, I'm okay with that, and the friendship obviously wasn't that important to them in the first place. I'm over the high school bullshit, and I'm done wasting time and energy on it. College is a new chapter in my life, and I'm ready to walk into it, open mind and open arms. I'm ready to embrace it, and I'll tell you, September 20th can't come fast enough.
New chapter, new me. Let it begin.
Friday, July 27, 2012
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Spring Cleaning
I don't know if it's the awful weather that's been hanging around lately, or the realization that I'm closer and closer to starting college, which basically means a fresh start at life, but I've been seeing a lot of people's true colors lately, and quite frankly, I don't like what I see.
I love my friends. I mean, really, they're great. They're fun, happy, cheerful, and they care about me. At least I thought they did. Rather than describing what a good friend should do, it would be easier, (and more interesting) to explain what a good friend SHOULDN'T do.
1. They shouldn't LIE
2. They shouldn't CHEAT
3. They shouldn't STEAL
4. They shouldn't be SHADY
5. They shouldn't be SO UNBELIEVABLY SELFISH.
The list goes on. Point is, they shouldn't be assholes.
If I tell you a secret, especially if it's important to me and a really big secret, that doesn't mean you tell people. It means you keep it to yourself. It's not difficult, really. But for some people, it clearly is.
If I tell you my plan for something, you don't go behind my back and do it first. That's just messed up. Like seriously, its shady, its stealing, its lying, and its so unbelievably selfish. That's just about everything on the small list of things NOT TO DO. Congratulations, you're a terrible friend.
It might be the fact that I'm beyond ready to get away from Sunset, but I've been "spring cleaning" my friends. I've been picking out the good and the bad, really figuring out who's there for me, and who's just there. Sure, it's been hard, and I've realized a lot of things that I wish I didn't, but overall, it's been good. I know who to focus my energy on, and who to dust off my shoulder like the little devils they are.
All I've got to say is good ridden. Cutting the dead weight that drags me down has never felt better.
I love my friends. I mean, really, they're great. They're fun, happy, cheerful, and they care about me. At least I thought they did. Rather than describing what a good friend should do, it would be easier, (and more interesting) to explain what a good friend SHOULDN'T do.
1. They shouldn't LIE
2. They shouldn't CHEAT
3. They shouldn't STEAL
4. They shouldn't be SHADY
5. They shouldn't be SO UNBELIEVABLY SELFISH.
The list goes on. Point is, they shouldn't be assholes.
If I tell you a secret, especially if it's important to me and a really big secret, that doesn't mean you tell people. It means you keep it to yourself. It's not difficult, really. But for some people, it clearly is.
If I tell you my plan for something, you don't go behind my back and do it first. That's just messed up. Like seriously, its shady, its stealing, its lying, and its so unbelievably selfish. That's just about everything on the small list of things NOT TO DO. Congratulations, you're a terrible friend.
It might be the fact that I'm beyond ready to get away from Sunset, but I've been "spring cleaning" my friends. I've been picking out the good and the bad, really figuring out who's there for me, and who's just there. Sure, it's been hard, and I've realized a lot of things that I wish I didn't, but overall, it's been good. I know who to focus my energy on, and who to dust off my shoulder like the little devils they are.
All I've got to say is good ridden. Cutting the dead weight that drags me down has never felt better.
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Let Me Be Free
Winter Break could not come at a better time. Almost everyone at Sunset is getting on my last nerve. It's the holidays, for crying out loud. Shouldn't we all be spreading the cheer rather than the gossip and drama? My word. I'm actually embarrassed. I thought Sunset was better than this.
A few weeks ago, we would pride ourselves on the fact that we all get along with one another, we don't have big drama, and we support one another. There were comments on how talented students at Sunset are, how athletic they can be, how proud we feel to walk the halls with the nicest, most genuine people in the Metro League. Now I'm embarrassed to say I go to Sunset with all this unnecessary drama. I mean, HONESTLY Sunset, get it together.
First off, social networking sites are not a place for drama. Besides, the drama on social networking sites is pathetic. If anyone had a serious problem, it would be a million times more beneficial to work it out in person. Especially since it's not something that everyone wants/needs to be part of.
Second, why are people arguing about some of these things, anyway? I can guarantee you that there will be people in your life that you won't like. There will be people that annoy you, people who do things that bug you, people who offend you with what they say. But what's the point in trying to argue with them on everything? You'll never win all the arguments, and if you do, what does that get you? Fired. That's what. There will be coworkers who irritate you, but you need to learn to deal with it. You can't have everything in life. Pick your battles wisely, and pick the ones that will help you to succeed, rather than the ones that will weaken your opponent.
It feels good to get that off my chest. I'm ready for a break from Sunset. It will be a chance for everyone to cool off and hopefully return as the loving, caring family of Apollos we were in September.
A few weeks ago, we would pride ourselves on the fact that we all get along with one another, we don't have big drama, and we support one another. There were comments on how talented students at Sunset are, how athletic they can be, how proud we feel to walk the halls with the nicest, most genuine people in the Metro League. Now I'm embarrassed to say I go to Sunset with all this unnecessary drama. I mean, HONESTLY Sunset, get it together.
First off, social networking sites are not a place for drama. Besides, the drama on social networking sites is pathetic. If anyone had a serious problem, it would be a million times more beneficial to work it out in person. Especially since it's not something that everyone wants/needs to be part of.
Second, why are people arguing about some of these things, anyway? I can guarantee you that there will be people in your life that you won't like. There will be people that annoy you, people who do things that bug you, people who offend you with what they say. But what's the point in trying to argue with them on everything? You'll never win all the arguments, and if you do, what does that get you? Fired. That's what. There will be coworkers who irritate you, but you need to learn to deal with it. You can't have everything in life. Pick your battles wisely, and pick the ones that will help you to succeed, rather than the ones that will weaken your opponent.
It feels good to get that off my chest. I'm ready for a break from Sunset. It will be a chance for everyone to cool off and hopefully return as the loving, caring family of Apollos we were in September.
Monday, December 5, 2011
Average, yet Above
I wouldn't go as far as to say my life has been extraordinary, but it has definitely been the best 17 years I could have wished for. Sure, I've had some bad times, but I've had some really great times too, and every experience I went through made me the strong individual I am today. I wouldn't change it for all the money in the world.
There have been a lot of experiences that have definitely left an impression on me, but few that have truly changed my life. Though I think it is safe to say that each experience that left an impression did change my life in one way or another, they didn't immediately change the way I looked at things. Very few things have done that.
One thing that changed my life was an episode of One Tree Hill, (which is the best show ever) called "With Tired Eyes, Tired Minds, Tired Souls, We Sleep". It is about teen bullying. I suggest you go watch the episode, now. But if you decided not to, I'll give you the gist. It's about this guy who brings a gun to school and holds seven kids hostage. He talks about how he walks into school and gets bullied, every day, never ending. He brought the gun because he was tired of it, he just wanted it to stop. Unfortunately, the bullying got to him, and he committed suicide.
It is quite possibly the most inspiring and quotable TV episode I have ever seen, and every time I watch it, it makes me cry. Not only because it's sad, but because it happens all around the world. The episode was made in 2003. Kids brought guns to school then, they bring guns to school now, and they brought guns to school long before 2003. Unfortunately, it's a cycle that never seems to end. Things like this happen because kids are bullied. And who bullies them? The ones in the school that hold the power. The ones that want to be popular. The ones who pretend to be brave, strong, and powerful, yet inside are weak, pathetic, and lonely.
School shootings happen way more often that we think, and what is so heart breaking about it is that nothing is being done. It is a problem with a very simple solution: stop bullying. But that seems to be harder than expected. Bullying happens every day, and even with anti-bullying week in schools, it doesn't change the fact that it happens. Sadly, bullying seems to have become second nature. When we feel threatened, we bully someone weaker to boost our self esteem and make us feel better. But why? What good does that do? You bully someone, who, in turn, bullies someone else in order to feel better. The cycle goes on.
Maybe we can't avoid being bullied, but if we avoid retaliation, bullying can end. It's simple, really. Bullies are only powerful if you let their words and actions hurt. Nothing destroys them faster than ignoring them. It may be difficult, but it works. All a bully wants is a reaction out of you. If you ignore them, and continue to ignore them, they'll give up. Don't stoop to their level. You're better than that. Brush it off your shoulder, keep your head up, and move on. There will be people in life who will constantly try to bring you down, but the most important thing is to show them that you're stronger than you look.
I can't wait to get out of high school. All the bullying seems to happen here, because people are sheltered. It doesn't happen in college because the bullies get a big slap in the face from reality. Don't be that person who gets slapped by reality. It's unfortunate to see.
There have been a lot of experiences that have definitely left an impression on me, but few that have truly changed my life. Though I think it is safe to say that each experience that left an impression did change my life in one way or another, they didn't immediately change the way I looked at things. Very few things have done that.
One thing that changed my life was an episode of One Tree Hill, (which is the best show ever) called "With Tired Eyes, Tired Minds, Tired Souls, We Sleep". It is about teen bullying. I suggest you go watch the episode, now. But if you decided not to, I'll give you the gist. It's about this guy who brings a gun to school and holds seven kids hostage. He talks about how he walks into school and gets bullied, every day, never ending. He brought the gun because he was tired of it, he just wanted it to stop. Unfortunately, the bullying got to him, and he committed suicide.
"You really think I'm the only one? Ask yourself this: Have you ever treated someone like crap in this school? Ever left someone out? Ever broken up with someone in the time it takes to pass a note and disappear? Or talk trash behind their back? Maybe you just ignored it all. While you worry about the big game, or the prom, or the bake sale for the pep club, you ask yourself that, and then you tell me, is anyone else out there"
"Whats wrong with you? He's just a kid. We're all just kids. We have this life, and the things you say and do, we feel that. How can you have so much hate in your heart? How can you act like it doesn't matter? It does matter. What happened to us? We're just kids, we can't be like this. It's not possible.
"So what? All this because you didn't get into college? All this because you're not popular?" "No. All this because I'm tired of it."
"I guess that's the upside to not being there in the first place, right? Nobody misses you when you're gone" "It's not supposed to be this way. The artists and scientists, none of them fit in at 17. You're supposed to get past it. Adults see kids killing kids and they know its a tragedy because they used to be those kids. The bullies and the beaten and the loners. But you're supposed to get past it. You're supposed to live long enough to take it back."
"I want to tell you something. It gets better. It does. That pain in your stomach, that pain in your heart, it goes away. That voice in your head that says there's no way out, its wrong. Please, believe me, it gets better."
It is quite possibly the most inspiring and quotable TV episode I have ever seen, and every time I watch it, it makes me cry. Not only because it's sad, but because it happens all around the world. The episode was made in 2003. Kids brought guns to school then, they bring guns to school now, and they brought guns to school long before 2003. Unfortunately, it's a cycle that never seems to end. Things like this happen because kids are bullied. And who bullies them? The ones in the school that hold the power. The ones that want to be popular. The ones who pretend to be brave, strong, and powerful, yet inside are weak, pathetic, and lonely.
School shootings happen way more often that we think, and what is so heart breaking about it is that nothing is being done. It is a problem with a very simple solution: stop bullying. But that seems to be harder than expected. Bullying happens every day, and even with anti-bullying week in schools, it doesn't change the fact that it happens. Sadly, bullying seems to have become second nature. When we feel threatened, we bully someone weaker to boost our self esteem and make us feel better. But why? What good does that do? You bully someone, who, in turn, bullies someone else in order to feel better. The cycle goes on.
Maybe we can't avoid being bullied, but if we avoid retaliation, bullying can end. It's simple, really. Bullies are only powerful if you let their words and actions hurt. Nothing destroys them faster than ignoring them. It may be difficult, but it works. All a bully wants is a reaction out of you. If you ignore them, and continue to ignore them, they'll give up. Don't stoop to their level. You're better than that. Brush it off your shoulder, keep your head up, and move on. There will be people in life who will constantly try to bring you down, but the most important thing is to show them that you're stronger than you look.
I can't wait to get out of high school. All the bullying seems to happen here, because people are sheltered. It doesn't happen in college because the bullies get a big slap in the face from reality. Don't be that person who gets slapped by reality. It's unfortunate to see.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Why?
Apparently, everyone at Sunset forgot that last week was "Random Acts of Kindness" week, and just one month ago was "Anti-Bully Week". Just because the week has passed doesn't mean its okay to bully again, or be rude again. What is wrong with high school these days? A lot. That's for sure.
I'm not sure what's worse; the fact that someone made a "Gossip Girl" twitter account, or the fact that 85 people follow it, and it's only been up for one hour. Following them is exactly what they want. Tweeting at them saying how pathetic they are is exactly what they want. Its adding fuel to the fire. The things posted clearly aren't true, but the fact that people read them and talk about them makes them true to some people. The entire thing is just pathetic. It's weak, and the person who did it should be ashamed. I feel bad for whoever it was; they need a serious self esteem boost, not to mention a big old slap in the face by karma. Who's the bitch now?
A couple days ago there was a Facebook "Sunset Slut" Page. Really, I mean REALLY? First off, that's not even original, second, its incredibly rude. I don't think people understand that words can hurt. We all know the saying "sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me" but in high school, they do hurt. More than we should let them, but we're insecure and we worry too much about what other people think. Making accounts that bash on other people is one way that causes teen suicide. It's why there are school shootings and why kids bring guns and knives to school.
Does that make you feel safe? Does knowing that by creating this account to bash on the "populars" or the "sluts" or the "douche bags" makes the risk of a school shooting that much bigger? Does that make you want to go to school? I don't know about you, but it makes me scared. I don't want a school shooting. I don't want someone from my school to commit suicide because of this. I don't want anything bad to happen to my school, because, believe it or not, I like it. I like everyone that goes there. I may be annoyed with people at times, but I'm old enough and mature enough to know when to let it go. It doesn't do anyone any good to bash on other people, and if you never learn that lesson, I feel really sorry for you.
To whoever made those accounts, I can't begin to explain how sorry I feel for you. There's no need to create negative attention to get noticed. Maybe being noticed isn't all it's cracked up to be. There are more important things in life than being noticed in high school. What people remember most about you is what they learn about you in high school. Before you do anything too stupid, why not think, "Do I want to be remembered like this?"
Think twice before you do something, especially something on social networking sites. Karma's a bitch and always has a way of coming back.
I'm not sure what's worse; the fact that someone made a "Gossip Girl" twitter account, or the fact that 85 people follow it, and it's only been up for one hour. Following them is exactly what they want. Tweeting at them saying how pathetic they are is exactly what they want. Its adding fuel to the fire. The things posted clearly aren't true, but the fact that people read them and talk about them makes them true to some people. The entire thing is just pathetic. It's weak, and the person who did it should be ashamed. I feel bad for whoever it was; they need a serious self esteem boost, not to mention a big old slap in the face by karma. Who's the bitch now?
A couple days ago there was a Facebook "Sunset Slut" Page. Really, I mean REALLY? First off, that's not even original, second, its incredibly rude. I don't think people understand that words can hurt. We all know the saying "sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me" but in high school, they do hurt. More than we should let them, but we're insecure and we worry too much about what other people think. Making accounts that bash on other people is one way that causes teen suicide. It's why there are school shootings and why kids bring guns and knives to school.
Does that make you feel safe? Does knowing that by creating this account to bash on the "populars" or the "sluts" or the "douche bags" makes the risk of a school shooting that much bigger? Does that make you want to go to school? I don't know about you, but it makes me scared. I don't want a school shooting. I don't want someone from my school to commit suicide because of this. I don't want anything bad to happen to my school, because, believe it or not, I like it. I like everyone that goes there. I may be annoyed with people at times, but I'm old enough and mature enough to know when to let it go. It doesn't do anyone any good to bash on other people, and if you never learn that lesson, I feel really sorry for you.
To whoever made those accounts, I can't begin to explain how sorry I feel for you. There's no need to create negative attention to get noticed. Maybe being noticed isn't all it's cracked up to be. There are more important things in life than being noticed in high school. What people remember most about you is what they learn about you in high school. Before you do anything too stupid, why not think, "Do I want to be remembered like this?"
Think twice before you do something, especially something on social networking sites. Karma's a bitch and always has a way of coming back.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Hope for the Hopeless
I'm a girl. That means I'm a hopeless romantic, like all girls at one point in their lives. Every girl dreams of the fairytale wedding, the Nicholas Sparks romance, and the happily ever after fireworks. It's romantic, heartwarming, and entirely Hollywood. Yet we still believe, hope, and pray that we are the exception to this heart crushing reality. It's depressing, really. When I think about it, reading Nicholas Sparks books or watching romantic movies just puts me in a downer mood. It's cute and makes me smile, don't get me wrong, but it just makes me sad. It makes me jealous more than anything, which is silly because the entire idea is fake. Someone, somewhere, came up with this perfect idea, this dream, and wrote a script or a novel about it for others to enjoy. I don't enjoy it; I envy it.
Its stupid that I put so much thought into perfection. It can never be reached. Ever. Which makes the world we live in beautiful. Everyone has their flaws, their troubles, their frustration. It makes us human. Yet too many people strive to be perfect, altering their natural self with plastic surgery, pounds of make up, or designer clothes. What people don't seem to understand is that behind all that, there is still a perfectly imperfect human, waiting to be let free.
I've come to the realization that it is completely pointless to strive for perfection. I've already known its impossible, but now I realize it's just a waste of time. I'd rather rock my flaws then hide them. At least I'm being honest with the world about who I am and there are no secrets. Secrets can be really ugly, especially ones that have been kept hidden for a while. Which is why the truth should just be told.
I can't help that I fall for the fairy tale romance, the movie dreams, and the forever and always love. I'd be lying if I said I'd never dreamed my life was a movie. There are those moments in life where you just wish your dreams would come true and something romantic would happen, whether it be the guy of your dreams traveling hundreds of miles to find you and tell you how much he loves you, or simply going on a perfect date like one that only happens in movies. We all wish we had spontaneous romance in our lives, but unfortunately, that's not always the case.
If you are lucky enough to have a relationship like that, cherish it. Everyone wants one, but you are lucky enough to find one right now. And for the rest of us who have yet to find this perfection, have patients. It hasn't happened because it hasn't been the right time.
Timing is everything, and if something is meant to be, it will happen in good time.
Its stupid that I put so much thought into perfection. It can never be reached. Ever. Which makes the world we live in beautiful. Everyone has their flaws, their troubles, their frustration. It makes us human. Yet too many people strive to be perfect, altering their natural self with plastic surgery, pounds of make up, or designer clothes. What people don't seem to understand is that behind all that, there is still a perfectly imperfect human, waiting to be let free.
I've come to the realization that it is completely pointless to strive for perfection. I've already known its impossible, but now I realize it's just a waste of time. I'd rather rock my flaws then hide them. At least I'm being honest with the world about who I am and there are no secrets. Secrets can be really ugly, especially ones that have been kept hidden for a while. Which is why the truth should just be told.
I can't help that I fall for the fairy tale romance, the movie dreams, and the forever and always love. I'd be lying if I said I'd never dreamed my life was a movie. There are those moments in life where you just wish your dreams would come true and something romantic would happen, whether it be the guy of your dreams traveling hundreds of miles to find you and tell you how much he loves you, or simply going on a perfect date like one that only happens in movies. We all wish we had spontaneous romance in our lives, but unfortunately, that's not always the case.
If you are lucky enough to have a relationship like that, cherish it. Everyone wants one, but you are lucky enough to find one right now. And for the rest of us who have yet to find this perfection, have patients. It hasn't happened because it hasn't been the right time.
Timing is everything, and if something is meant to be, it will happen in good time.
Hot and Cold
I don't know if it's a severe case of senioritis or what, but lately, I've been really on edge when it comes to colleges. If someone tries to talk to me about it, I get incredibly irritated and snappy. I don't know why and I can't help it. I assume its because I feel so much pressure when it comes to choosing. A lot of people have had their lives planned out since freshman year. They know where they are going, what to study, who they will be rooming with. That's the thing that stresses me out. I had a plan, but it's nothing like what I'm thinking now. I don't know for a fact where I'm going, I've dipped my toes into countless programs to find my true calling, and I think I've yet to find one I really love. I don't think I'll know until I get to the school of my dreams. Which may be never, considering I'm facing the toughest decision of my life.
It's silly, really, to be so stressed about what college to go to. It's not like I'm signing away the next four years of my life; I can always transfer. I guess I just don't want more than one freshman year. Freshman year of high school was rough enough, now I have to have a second freshman year, this time for college. Two is more than enough, but if it comes down to it, I'd much rather be happy at the school I go to, even if it means moving around, than to be miserable for four years.
Even writing about this is making me irritated. I've just been that way lately.
Even some people are irritating me. The way they are acting just doesn't make any sense. Friends are supposed to support one another, right? But I've been seeing the complete opposite from some of my friends. I'm not trying to be hypocritical, I know I was doing the same, but seeing it from an outside perspective made me realize it's not okay. I believe in the fact that at some point, you're opinions only go so far, and your friends have to make the ultimate decision for themselves, whether it's one you approve of or not. It's a lesson for them, it's their life, let them live it. Besides, it may turn out completely opposite of what you expected. Friends are a support system, the opinions of them are always valued, but they aren't the ones who get to decide how to live your life for you. I understand if the intentions are purely to protect you, but at some point, as hard as it may be to do, friends just have to let go, and let mistakes be made. They exist for a reason; to make you stronger.
So for those of you who are facing difficulties in life, I guess all I have to say is do what your heart tells you. You only live once, so make it worth it. Take every chance that comes your way, you may never know what you'll end up regretting. That is one lesson I've quickly learned this year.
It's silly, really, to be so stressed about what college to go to. It's not like I'm signing away the next four years of my life; I can always transfer. I guess I just don't want more than one freshman year. Freshman year of high school was rough enough, now I have to have a second freshman year, this time for college. Two is more than enough, but if it comes down to it, I'd much rather be happy at the school I go to, even if it means moving around, than to be miserable for four years.
Even writing about this is making me irritated. I've just been that way lately.
Even some people are irritating me. The way they are acting just doesn't make any sense. Friends are supposed to support one another, right? But I've been seeing the complete opposite from some of my friends. I'm not trying to be hypocritical, I know I was doing the same, but seeing it from an outside perspective made me realize it's not okay. I believe in the fact that at some point, you're opinions only go so far, and your friends have to make the ultimate decision for themselves, whether it's one you approve of or not. It's a lesson for them, it's their life, let them live it. Besides, it may turn out completely opposite of what you expected. Friends are a support system, the opinions of them are always valued, but they aren't the ones who get to decide how to live your life for you. I understand if the intentions are purely to protect you, but at some point, as hard as it may be to do, friends just have to let go, and let mistakes be made. They exist for a reason; to make you stronger.
So for those of you who are facing difficulties in life, I guess all I have to say is do what your heart tells you. You only live once, so make it worth it. Take every chance that comes your way, you may never know what you'll end up regretting. That is one lesson I've quickly learned this year.
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